It is important to be speaking the same language, and to find practitioners that align with you. These are some of Krista's conceptual beliefs that make up the foundational premises that inspired the K Theory Framework and creation of JBeC.

I believe that the silent treatment is incredibly harmful. While I do understand that there are times that no contact is essential, that is its own concept and not the same as the silent treatment. I believe the silent treatment refers to a refusal to participate in discussions to facilitate a timely resolution, between two parties who are in a relationship and desire for that relationship to continue or are intentionally making the decision to discontinue the relationship.

I do not believe in relational sacrifice. I do not believe that sacrificing something that is essential to me, in order to maintain a relationship is healthy. I am willing to compromise, to adjust my expectations, to allow a time frame for change, to give up something I want in exchange for something else. Additionally, I believe the only person who can define what is or is not essential is each individual, and those elements may not look consistent from relationship to relationship.. This compromise can be creative. It can be apples to oranges, as long as both parties give and both parties receive, and the pieces that are non negotiable for either party, are not altered. A compromise could look like an agreement that the individuals or the relationship is just incapable of currently giving me x, and therefore needs to be adjusted to y, to allow me to meet that need/want elsewhere. It could be that there is a momentary, defined time period that something essential is given up, due to the nature of what is gained. It can be transactional, such as, if you hurt my feelings, we don’t have to talk about it, but you have to bring me a pretty. There is an infinite amount of compromise options, giving a versatility to each relationship, and encouraging each party to speak their needs.

I do not think that a romantic/sexual partnership, or a child/parent relationship should necessarily be or are, inherently more important than any other. There are moments when logistical priorities have to be with children. It is my belief that their relationship with their parent(s) are the single most important, defining element in their lives. During childhood, parents have a responsibility to give that the best and most priority and focus as appropriate. The very nature of them being children, means that there is a higher logistical demand and a more sensitive timeframe. I don’t necessarily believe that the global nature of life, age, relationship dynamics should make any one relationship more or less than any other. There are some relationships that are less and won’t ever be the priority. In some ways, I believe that a romantic partner and potentially the parent/adult child relationships get disproportionate focus at the expenses of other long term relationships such as good friends, siblings, etc. As it stands, I believe the hierarchy is fluid, and the assigned priority to any specific relationship shifts as external dynamics change. The key take away is that each individual is free to assign importance as it pertains to their relationships based on individual values, rather than external expectations.

I don’t believe that there is always a right and wrong in conversations surrounding perceptions and feelings. I do believe that there are communication, capacity, intention/goal and capability limitations. I think those limitations come out in heated moments, and those moments are often the ones that don’t get returned to. With no real resolution, the parties just keep repeating the cycle and that’s how people get stuck.

In any relationship related conflict, it is not that I am wrong or the other person is wrong. It is not them against me. It is both parties against the issue. I do not have to agree with the other person in any area, feelings, thoughts, perception of reality, any of it, to be willing to participate in a solution that eases their distress. The fact that I love someone means that I want to do anything within my power to mitigate their pain. I can choose to deliberately alter my behavior to meet a need or want in someone regardless of my anything as it pertains to the situation.

I do not believe it is reasonable for anyone to expect that anyone else meets any of their needs. I don’t think it is appropriate to have expectations around how they show up. What I do believe in, is agreements, reflection and shifts. We can ask them to share the ways that make them feel most seen and loved, and even clarify if feeling seen and loved is what is important to them. I want them to care about the same as it relates to me. I want to find ways that facilitate feeling loved, seen, validated, whatever the essentials are. However, I think it is equally as important, if not more, to actively recognize and value the ways the other person shows up for us as they are.